A Wedding is for a day - A Marriage is for a lifetime

June 14, 2008 | Posted by Guest Blogger

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I received this really great guest blog from wedding planner Nici Bailes from the Marriage Meander
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Just take a minute to think about the time, effort and money that you are putting into planning your wedding. It is such an exciting time and once you have had your fairy tale wedding you will have perfect memories of a very special day.

But what then? Many couples will have had some spiritual counselling in preparation for the Marriage ceremony but what preparation have you done for your life together as a couple? You are no doubt an expert on all aspects of weddings, but what plan have you instituted for your Marriage?

Take a step back and think about your career. At the end of your schooling you would have identified an area that interested you and pursued a line of study in keeping with that area of interest. Whether you chose to attend a tertiary education institution or on the job training, you would have instituted a plan. Once you achieved your basic training and embarked on your career path you would continue to learn about your field. If you want to stay ahead of the pack you attend courses, read publications related to what you do and find a mentor from whom you can continue to learn. A concerted effort to gain knowledge is made in order to achieve career success.

Why is it then that we are ambitious about our careers, we are goal orientated and have a plan in place to achieve those goals, and yet when it comes to Marriage we take for granted that love will be enough to see us through? How many of us actually set goals for our Marriage and have a plan to achieve Marriage goals? This may seem quite calculating - what about spontaneity, passion and romance? The bottom line is that if you do not invest time and effort into your Marriage, too much will be taken for granted and one day you may just wake up and wonder who the person next to you is!

Just as we schedule our working hours, Marriage hours need to be scheduled too. Once we have Marriage hours scheduled the spontaneity can take over! After all it doesn’t matter how carefully you schedule your working day – it never turns out as planned, challenges arise and reshuffling needs to be done. The time you spend with your spouse will also never be the same, different moods will guide you as how best to spend the time together.
Keep a journal with your goals and read them often. As the dynamics of your life changes so will your goals. Make sure you keep your basic goals in place always. Never stop communicating, never stop making time for one another and never stop remembering the reasons why you got married in the first place!

There are fabulous courses that you can go on to enhance your Marriage and really good books that you can read. In your goal setting, set yourself a goal to attend courses, read books and to do something (no matter how small) positive for your spouse and for your Marriage everyday.
Don’t wait for things to go wrong, do whatever you can to stay on the road to a long and happy Marriage. If you do veer off the road, take up the challenge, don’t give up and make an investment into your Marriage and yourself by making things right!

All photographs courtesy of Whitecliffs (011) 886 4326 or info@whitecliffs.co.za.
Recommended reading: The Five Love Languages – Dr Gary Chapman.

Comments

2 Comments so far

Mizz Honeysuckle on June 14, 2008 3:15 pm
Good blog - the title is EXACTLY what my mother used to say to me when I was little and played wedding dress up! I guess she knew what she was talking about, since she and my Dad have been married for 37 years, and her parents for 55 years till my grandad died.
Evegenia on June 17, 2008 2:20 pm
Oh Nici,
I couldnt agree with you more! A wedding day is very important, but not as important as marriage. Yes, marriage does require work… but it is all about the mind set. The kind of ‘work’ I am talking about it the time and effort you put it to understand and cherish the other person. Make yourself heard and listen to the other person.

My husband and I have one rule that helps us a lot. A rule states that we are not allowed to ‘build’ things up. DO not assume or presume what the other is thinking or feeling. DO not try to over analyze or guess. Speak up, ask and challange… the point of this is not to keep things bottled up. If you feel hurt by his actions… tell him. right now. Not tomorrow when the feeling intensifies. This however works both ways and if your husband tell you that you hurt him too, you have to address the issue. No defenses, no pretenses…

If you dont let small issues become big issues, you will save yourself a lot of time and trouble and will have more time to enjoy each other!

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