Bridesmaid Dresses: Who Pays?
I can’t be the only one who feels a bit confused by this! As far as I always knew, the bride pays for the bridesmaid dresses (or, at least, whoever is paying for the wedding does!) and it’s up to the bride if she wants to pay for their hair and make-up as well. Now, planning my own wedding, all the info out there tells me that the girls have to pay for ALL their own stuff! That seems a bit unfair, surely?
It’s your wedding, why should your friends/sisters/cousins/former roommate have to fork out hundreds or thousands of rands for stuff they’ll probably never use again? It just seems a bit…stingy.
In the US, it seems to be completely normal and accepted to let the bridesmaids pay their own way. All the etiquette articles and books and magazines say this. But I’m paying for my two girls. My sister paid for my dress when I was bridesmaid at her wedding; I think she’d be pretty miffed if I didn’t do the same! Anywat, it just feels right. What do you think? What did you/are you going to do?
26 Responses to “Bridesmaid Dresses: Who Pays?”
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Hi there,
I hear where you coming from. I got married 2 months ago, and had 2 bridesmaids (thank goodness only 2). I felt it only right that i pay for their dresses which is the bulk of the cost and asked them to pay for hair, which was R140. I was on a tight budget but figured it wasnt too much to ask.
I agree that you should pay for it, especially if its some design you want and not them. But weddings are very expensive and some people just cant afford the added expense.
With my bridesmaid, initially I going to pay for her accommodation for the night before the wedding which was R450.00 and also for the fabric of the dress which came to another R200.00. However, in the end I paid for the dress and she sorted out her own accommodation which worked out much better and she wore what I wanted her to wear.
Paying for the accommodation, and the dress was just too much, but it would have been nice to do both.
Morning! I paid for my girls dresses, I thought it was only fair. But it does start to get expensive. I got a friend to do the hair and my sister to do the make up for them though, saved big time there.
My girls did pay for their own shoes though.
Yes my girls are getting their own shoes, and I’m going to get them a necklace each as a gift. Make-up is being done by a friend but I have to pay for hair…I wonder if I should hint that they should pay for that, or if I should just pay for it – since it is for MY wedding, after all?
My bridesmaids are paying for their dresses, its like a gift to you. That is why we decided on a dress that they can wear in future.
I was thinking about this the other day and I realised something that is often overlooked.
Like you said, the norm these days seems to be that bridesmaids pay their own way, whereas tradition says that the bride should pay. A lot of couples these days pay for thier own wedding and not thier parents, which makes the expenses really difficult to handle at first, considering most are only starting out and have expenses such as buying a house and building a life to worry about.
If you want, another idea to help cut costs, is why not rent your bridesmaids dresses? The guys do it for the suits, and Im sure if you find a great place to rent from you’ll get a great outfit.
Glamour in durban, has really nice evening outfits for around R200 – R500 to rent and they are really pretty and look smart and elegant.
Hello There!
I am getting married on May 23, 2009. I do live in the U.S. and have not heard of any bride/bride’s family paying for the bridesmaid dresses. I think there are a couple of factors behind your question. One factor being that it depends on the level of “tradition” you are adhering to. Traditionally, the bride’s parents (who usually fund the wedding) pay for the bridesmaids; however, it is becoming so common for the bride and groom to pay for their own wedding or pay for a large potion of it, and thus it is becoming more common for the bridesmaids to pay their way. The way I have always thought of it when I have been a bridesmaid is that by accpeting the role of a bridesmaid, it is essentially saying that you are “honored” to be by the bride’s side at her wedding, and it is almost like your gift to the bride. Thus, buying their dress, is part of this “gift” of being a bridesmaid.
Secondly, it depends a lot on how many bridesmaids you are having. For instance, I have 5 sisters, and 2 soon-to-be sister in laws. They are all standing up in my wedding (which my fiance and I are paying a large portion of). So, for me paying for 7 bridesmaid dresses is A LOT. I am, however, planning on paying for their hair, makeup, and jewelry.
Luckily I only have 1 bridesmaid, I’m paying for her dress, make-up and hair. I asked my bridesmaid to buy her own shoes and jewelry….but being a bit of a control freak, I already looked around for nice shoes and jewelry for her…..which I most propably will buy if I see something I like.
I agree with it not being their wedding in all but im having all my bridesmaid buy their dresses but its going to be summer dresses that they can wear whenever they want in the summers to still come. However I am paying to get their hair done.
i feea bit rude asking for the bridesmaids to pay. but ost of them are my famnily so i will be paying for them and the three older bridesmaids have to pay for themselves. At the end of the day, they know from the start that they have to pay. so they can opt out if they want. plus i’m buying them really nice gifts.
Who would have thought you would get a comment all the way from Zimbabwe???Coming from an economy with a cash crisis,the bride foots the bill for her bridesmaids,yes it is possible and its only fair.Ones wedding should be a happy day,you do not need gloomy looking bridesmaids,thinking of unneccessary credits they have to pay..believe me cash is a nightmare around here.
I think everyone needs to realize that 99.8% of the time bridesmaids dresses will never be worn again by the bridesmaids. Unless you and your friends have the exact same taste in clothes (not likely) they are probably just agreeing with you and saying they like what you like to make you happy and to be good friends. So no matter how cute and re-wearable you think those dresses are, most likely they’re hitting the goodwill pile the very next day.
I think that it is great if you can afford to buy the dresses for your bridesmaids but if you can’t, they shouldn’t expect you to.
Hi,
I’m from Australia and am being an bridesmaid for my sister’s upcoming wedding. Myself and the other two bridesmaids are having to pay for their dresses which I usually wouldn’t be fussed about however I am a uni student and am struggling to find the funds for this. Not only do we have to pay for our dresses but we have to buy our own shoes and have absolutely no say in the dress or the shoes. While I think the dress is lovely, it is a few hundred dollars and I will never be wearing it again. We haven’t discussed who is paying for make-up and hair yet.
I know before I decide it is the right time to get married I will make sure there is enough money going around to cover for all or atleast most of the expenses of my bridesmaids, including their dresses!
I have 2 sisters and one friend as my BM. One BM does not wear any dresses off the rack so she really wanted to have a dress designed/made so we all agreed they could make any dress they want but they have to use my choice of fabric/colour. And because they have the choice of style they would pay for it to be made. It seemed like a good plan because they could design a dress they would definately wear again.
So one sister has started getting her dress made and it costs $1000 which she is fine to pay because she really wants the dress. The other BM’s are happy to wear anything but don’t want to spend too much… I have now found out because of the material we chose (which suits the dress already being made) the min cost will be $300 per dress for the other BM depending on the style they want!
Is it be out of place to still expect other BM’s to pay to get their dresses made (knowing that it will cost them at least $300 and they would’ve happily worn an $80 dress off the rack which we would’ve paid for). It seems a lot to pay even if they do choose the style they wouldn’t normally spend that much on a dress.
My best friend asked me to be her bridemaid and she said, i have to pay for everything, dress, hair ,make up and hotel.
I’m pretty feel disappointed that I have to buy the dress that she chose which is cheapy look and i will never wear it again for over 150$ on top of the air ticket from west coast to NY,hotel and car rental.
I know she has the lower income than me, but personally, I think it should be nice of her if she let me choose what I want to wear or some source of stuff that I have to grab just for her choice.
She has the budget for the big wedding and stuff but not thinking abot her other best friends at all. That’s my feeling after all.
I think if the bride is not giving the bridesmaids any say in what they wear then really the bride should pay. But if the bridesmaids choose their dress or have a big say in what they wear then the bridesmaids should pay. I have talked to so many people who have been bridesmaids and have an ugly $200 dress in their cupboard which they will never wear again but don’t want to throw it out because of how much they paid for it.
I think the bride should pay for the BM dresses. If she can’t afford to pay for them, then she should go to the courthouse. The one with 7 BMs is really trippin. You should have a wedding that you truly can afford. It feels very selfish and tacky to ask friends to waste money on dresses, shoes, hair, make-up and sometimes airfare and hotel.
One of my girlfriends is having a destination wedding and we’re all expected to shell out $1,500 for the trip, and that’s not including the dresses, shoes and gift. These women actually feel entitled and it’s unfortunate that they take advantage of their friends and family like this.
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I agree that people should have weddings they can afford! Traditionally, having large wedding parties was a sign of status and wealth since the couple (or their families) were supposed to pay for everything for the wedding party. Now it seems people want the show but not the price tag. I personally would not ask someone to have the “honor” of paying for their own outfits (that I choose) to attend my wedding. It’s stingy and tacky. If you truly cannot afford to pay for the wedding parties outfits, I would let the bridesmaids choose and pay for their own dresses (and let the groomsmen wear their own tuxedos or suits). Before you can claim you can’t afford it, are you doing EVERYTHING you can to cut costs before asking your guests to pay to attend YOUR wedding, with YOUR rules as to what they need to wear? Are you (or someone you know) baking the cake? Are you having the reception at home? If the answer to these is no, and I was a bridesmaid, I wouldn’t listen to protestations of “I wish I could pay for your dress but [I have a three week trip to Hawaii I have to pay for, and my designer dress and shoes, and the reception for 200]…”
And to those “generous” brides offering to pay for their hair and make-up, I’m guessing it’s just another way to control how they look. Or are you really going to let them choose their own color palette and hairstyle? (And for the bridesmaid who prefers the natural look, it’s not such a gift, anyway, to force her to be styled to your specifications). If you’re going to force someone to wear what you choose, be styled in make-up you choose and have the hairstyle you choose, don’t act like you’re being so generous as to pay for it.
I personally wouldn’t go along with these shenanigans, but luckily I don’t have such cheap, self-centered, controlling micro-managers who think they can act this way because it’s “their big day”.
Ask the other BMs if they would pay $300 for their own dress or if they would prefer you pay for a dress of your choosing. If the former, then no problem. If the latter, then let the BM with the fancy dress be the MOH and wear her $1000 dress, and pay for $80 off-the-rack dresses for the other two.
My Boyfriend of 5 years’ sister had decided to have a destination wedding with both of us in the wedding party. After travel and hotel and our dress/tux’s, shoes, hair, (everything except food) will cost us almost $600.00. That doesn’t include any gifts or any parts of the wedding shower, or bachelorette/bachelor parties. I am at the point where I would rather write her a large check as a gift rather then go to save us money.. I know thats not right but it’s how I’m starting to feel about the situation. I feel like the bride is being super inconsiderate, an example: at first she wanted me to help her find shoes for the rest of the girls and I found $15 pair that were cute and fine for a wedding. She went out and found $40 shoes and, instead of talking to us all about it, purchased them and told all of us to write her a check when we could for them. I don’t want $40 shoes I will never wear again. This was the last straw for me. My boyfriend is also not happy about the situation and does not want to go and doesnt think its really affordable for us. Whats the right thing to do? She is his stepsister and they are close. Do we just have to take it or can we tell her its just not feasable ? The wedding is in 2 months.
I am a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding and i will not expect to pay my way, it is her day and if she wants things to work the way she wants then she will pay. i am willing to pay for my hair and shoes only.
i do not want to end up with an expensive dress that i will not wear in future.
Wow…can I be in your wedding??? I’ve been in quite a few weddings and I’ve expected to not only foot the bill for the dress, alterations, shoes, evening bag, etc…but also hair, nails, toes, make-up, a bridal shower for the bride, AND a bachelorette party. I love my friends but as THEY are ones getting married, and my bank account is crying for relief!! I commend you as a bride for helping your girls out because I understand all of the expenses that come along with a wedding. Its not easy for anyone, of course…
It is my wedding in a year and I have three senior bridesmaids, and 2 junior bridesmaids. I will be paying for all the dresses to be made (I have chosen a color – but each girl can choose her own style and pattern) I will also be buying their shoes, and paying their make-up. The only thing that they need pay for themselves is their hair. I think that is pretty fair, as I am paying the WHOLE wedding BY MYSELF!!!! My fiance will be paying for the honeymoon.
Wow! what an idea ! What a concept ! Beautiful .. Amazing …
If they get to keep the dresses, they should pay.